The Pseudo-Science of Networking

As I dive deeper into my career, it’s been interesting to see the effects of networking compound and develop into stronger relationships. Wanted to put these thoughts on a page and talk about the art of networking and developing relationships in your career that are beneficial and fulfilling.

Note this is coming from a 23-year-old with ~4 months of full-time work experience and about 1.5 years of experience “networking“ and building relationships in my career. I am by no means an expert, just looking to note down my point of view during this time of my life.

As someone who works in the startups and venture capital world, relationships are a crucial part of upward mobility within the space. This is the same for other fields of work like film and music as well, and a common theme in whatever status game you want to play.

Knowing people who can add value to your career and having them help you is a powerful tool to have in your toolbox.

To know more people who can positively impact your career, people “network“. Working professionals attend conferences and networking events with explicit or implicit intentions of meeting someone, capturing leads, finding investors, etc. People network to help move themselves upward in the social hierarchy of their work.

At 23 years old, the network I’ve developed is still relatively small in terms of the breadth and depth of my career relationships. There is an interesting balance and play between the breadth of relationships you have and depth. Finding a good balance seems to be how people succeed. You want to be able to know a lot of people, but if you haven’t cultivated and nurtured the relationship, knowing a lot of people and having a lot of LinkedIn clout hold no value because you are nothing more than a name and a face to them. Depth is just as important as breadth.

To build depth in relationships, it appears there are 2 common themes.

Being valuable. Being likable.

Being put in a room with the wealthiest and most successful people is cool. But if you can’t offer value or hold your weight in that room, there is only so much depth in relationships that can be built. Big fish only want to swim with big fish.

You will not get a text back in that room, even if you get a phone number. And that’s the game: being able to get someone’s attention, being able to go out, say something, offer something, sell something, and have people listen to you. The conviction in your words and their effect on people determines how powerful you are. There is so much noise in the world today, capturing one’s attention, and having them hear you out holds so much value. And that value is being able to do whatever you want because of the words you say. That’s the true value of a strong network.

“Your network is your net worth.“

As corny as the above quote is, it’s true. People improve their network to improve their net worth. But what I think a lot of people miss is that networking is relationship building at its core. The easier you can make friends, the easier it is to “network”.

On top of that, networking and career relationships follow a similar pattern to making friends. Think back to how you developed your first friends. You were in school, in the same place, at the same time every day. Over time, you’ll form a bond because the person is likable and relatable (being at the same school, with the same teachers, etc).

The same thing goes for work: you go into the office every day, you present yourself as likable, build relatability by being at the same job in the same space, and you’ve developed a career relationship. This is taken one step further in networking spaces and online. Show up in the same space and in the same online communities with the same people consistently, be likable, and serendipitous career relationships will appear.

And how do you maintain friendships? Small touchpoints. Checking in to see how they’re doing, grabbing a drink/meal together, liking their social media posts, and these small touchpoints over time create your relationship.

Now, when you need to ask for a favor to help move furniture or something, your friend does it because you have this relationship cultivated over time with fond memories.

Apply this concept to career relationships and networking. Small touchpoints. Checking in to see how they’re doing, grabbing a drink/meal together, liking their social media posts, and these small touchpoints over time create your relationship with this working professional.

Now, when you need to ask for a favor to promote your product, sell your product, or get an introduction, the working professional you are asking does it because you have this fond relationship cultivated over time.

This is the network effect, when you have a strong network cultivated through strong relationships over time.

You now have the ability to ask someone for something and get it.

It’s been interesting to see the human aspect of building a strong network. There is a subtle art to it in the form of building communities, building a brand, and making friends. The small touchpoints over time compound into a beautiful relationship. I’ve seen this come into effect only about 1 to 2 years working in the startups and venture capital space. I can vividly see how these relationships over the span of many years compound and lead to career/life success. This is a common theme I see in successful late-career people. The relationships they’ve had for 20+ years grow and begin watering one another. The network effect goes into full effect.

In conclusion, it appears that how you obtain a strong network and strong career relationships is by being likeable and maintaining small, genuine touchpoints.

In other words, the best way to network is to make a friend.